Kinksexuality (sexuality of those who are into BDSM) is a healthy sexual orientation. I coined the term “kinksexuality” to name it as its own category of sexual orientation. Currently, only heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality and asexuality are recognized as sexual orientation categories. Kinksters are not yet officially recognized, yet there are way more kinky people in the world that we are aware of – this awareness paradigm shift happened with homosexuality and asexuality. Although the field of psychology now sees “most people with atypical sexual interests as not having a mental disorder,” it, and the fields of sexology and sexual research, still have yet to understand that being kinky is actually a true sexual orientation, and kinksexuality deserves to have a category of its own.
I happen to have a certification in sexology, but I use it only to offer individual and couples kink-centered counseling sessions. To be honest, the section on kinky sex in the sexology certification program was unsurprisingly inadequate. But I don’t blame them – you would have to immerse yourself in the lifestyle to truly understand the intricacies and complexities of the vast world of kink. Having been a full-time professional Dominatrix for 25 years, sessioning with hundreds of submissives, bottoms, fetishists, masochists, sissies and other types of kinksters, I have been, in essence, doing in-depth ethnographic research in kink culture for a quarter of a century, and have much more true knowledge than most sexual researchers about the topic of kinksexuality.
Just like being bisexual runs on a spectrum between heterosexual and homosexual, being kinksexual can also run on a spectrum between being vanilla and being kinky. The definition of vanilla (conventional) sex, according to Wikipedia, is “Conventional sex, colloquially known as vanilla sex, is sexual behavior that is within the range of normality for a culture or subculture, and typically involves sex which does not include elements of BDSM, kink, fetishism.” Wikipedia’s definition of kink is: “In human sexuality, kinkiness is the use of non-conventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies…In the 21st century the term "kink", along with expressions like BDSM, leather and fetish, has become more commonly used than the term paraphilia.”
It is my personal ideology, and that of those in the BDSM culture, that kinksexuality is a true sexual orientation because those who fall on the far end of the kink spectrum are only turned on by kink fantasies and activities. If someone is “bi-kinky,” they can become aroused by both vanilla and kinky sex. And someone who is vanilla is turned on only by normal, conventional sexual fantasies and activities – although it is my personal belief that no one is zero percent vanilla, whether they are conscious of it or not!
I know many, many people in the kink community who consider themselves fully kinksexual, and felt that they were “born that way,” having had kinky fantasies “since childhood,” or “for as long as they can remember,” and vanilla sex does not turn them on. For many kinksters who have a vanilla partner, they have had to do “mental acrobatics,” imagining kinky fantasies in their head in order to perform vanilla sex. Some people discover kinkiness later on in their adulthood, and when they do, it clicks into their consciousness like a deep remembrance, then it usually intensifies from there. There is a saying, “Once you go kink, you can’t go back,” and I have found this to be universally true!
Being kinky is not only healthy and natural, it is hugely beneficial to one’s personal growth. It can enhance your creativity and zest for life, promote the ability to embrace and express your authentic self, and increase the level of intimacy and honesty in your relationships.
